Who Cares…So What

Listening to

Cage Elephant

I have not blogged in a while and this is usually how I start every blog post anyway. So Who cares, so what. (SNL reference) I’ve been thinking about a lot stuff lately. Life, work, family, the Ladies, and of course how all this fits under Gods plan for me. I think to myself, aren’t you a little to old for trying to figure out what God wants from you and how all of the above works. Does this make sense? Continue…. I think I think… I think I think about this stuff way to much. Well not to much, just recently. Maybe it was just my week being home, or the one on one time I had with a good friend, or maybe it was just the refreshing seeing old and new faces again. who care, so what. Alright time to change gears here.

Lent, what a struggle it has been. I had a late start in figuring out what I wanted to do and these forty days has really not been a desert for me. What exactly does that mean? I really have to pray more and ask the Lord to guide me through the desert. Now that I think about it, I really do need to humble myself more in prayer. You know you have to do it, you know how important it is, but more so how easy it is not to do it.

Anyway, I wanted to get these thoughts out of my head as I start  my work back in the office. Hopefully I’ll have some better blogging in the weeks to come. God Bless if you are reading this. If you are random stranger, God Bless you and thats all folks.

I’m just a man, searching for God’s will and learning about life as I know it.

Adrian

Weight Loss Challenge

So here we go. Weight loss challenge number 85.  I’ll keep this one short and hopefully keep my post up to date. Scope it out when you get a chance.

Home for Thanksgiving

Crazy!

Living the Catholic Life

So, the word that keeps coming back to me daily is conversion. I think it’s a daily word  for many Catholics.. Speaking for myself, my goal has continued to seek change and to  give all I have to God. Well for starters, man, the older I get the harder it gets. I have to say though, I’m in a good place right now to seek conversion. I see myself on my way, but its those little things  keep coming  back. I continue to seek healing and reconciliation.

The Unknown

Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence. JPII

Blow my freaking socks off, seriously. Have no fear? Step out fearlessly knowing? The funny thing is, the closer and closer I become aware of the Lord in my life the more challenging it becomes. I know, this has been the re-occuring theme of my life and I really never know how to control it, well I”m not sure if control is the right word for it. First things first, the Chargers are no bueno and I’m still in 6th place in my fantasy football league. Thought I get that off my mind before I continue. Ok, ready GO! So friday I had the amazing opportunity to get back to the world of  retreats, 8th graders to be exact, ton of fun, I was little tired and I have to admit I was a little rusty. I should have been ready to go, I had done a 6th grade retreat the week before (How exactly do I relate to 6th graders, I don’t ) Anyway, I enjoyed it, good times sharing my testimony again, 1o odd years of growth.

 

Eeeek! BRAIN FART!

So… the unknown, what does that mean?  Its an everyday thing right?  I know what’s going on around me, what the next thing is on the of things to do, but I don’t know exactly what the Lord is doing in my heart. I continue to strive to let the lord work in my everyday prayer, in my relationships etc. I”m in my element. Side track again. I recently starting reading True Devotion…one of the first things that has beat me over the head is the thought of being humble before our Lord. It takes deep devotion, desire, and most of all humility. I have little pieces here and there but still something I’ve started working on. Nothing to crazy, just simple. Ahh,  I hate when this happens, I’m getting tired. So… this will have to be a to be continued….

Last thought, the Lord is kicking my butt. I’m attempting to humble myself before him. I need to man up and grow. He continues to call me, I continue to be fearful because its the unknown…….but all in all, I have the confidence to pursue him and the times that I don’t, he continues to challenge me every step of the way. Thanks God, you rock. JMJ PRAY FOR US. Love the Lord always. Be aware of the unknown and Love it!

 

ADFRS

Looking Up

Amazing. My trip has been just that. I’ve met some interesting people, interacted with a beautiful family with all different personalities with one thing in common “House of Love” I’ve been happy and joyful, reflecting on how much God has brought to light in my heart and my life. I still stop and think, God, what direction are really taking me in. I know i’m still on that journey to figuring that out, and I can finally say, I’m ok with that. Just yesterday, I walked off the train and walked to smack center of Grand Central Station, if only you were able to see the smile on my face. Yes, the entire place was busy, but my mind and heart were in totally in a different element. I felt at peace and joy filled. To experience the beauty in my surrounding. I stood there for a while, then I followed the music, violins. I walked towards them and found two beautiful Irish gals, they finished the last song they were on and rested their fingers for one more set and continued on to play “You Raise me Up” Probably one of the best covers I’ve ever heard. I was moved and inspired, they rocked it. I figured after that I continued my journey to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Immediately the streets became loud. People walking non-stop to the next destination, work, food, shopping, the city really did not sleep. My ears would not stop ringing, all of sudden I was in a pit of noise from every direction. So I finally made it to St. Patrick’s, as I entered, the noise immediately disappeared. I was in awe of its beauty, I sat in front of our Lord for about an hour, went to mass followed by confession, it was beautiful.

It was great just to be silent, share with the Lord what was going on in my heart and he took care of the rest. My trust was totally in him at that time and moment. I kinda took a nap for a little while but felt very peaceful when I woke up. That’s really though when hit me. God loves me so much, loves us so much, that all I have to do is come before him and rest. Like seriously that is all it takes, coming before him, yea I went to see the rest of NY, time square, central park, museums, their was something about being at St. Patrick’s calling me to just sit there. I think in all I spend about 3 hours there, just enjoying the presence of the Lord and praying for the people who had no clue as to what they were walking into. I mean, people were taking pictures during mass, walking a long side of me, it was a disaster. I just prayed that the Holy Spirit would bless them in some way. Anyway, this is just a glimpse of the trip. I hope to continue to blog. I need too.

BACK TO TRAINING!

It has been nearly 10 years since I’ve attended any type of  intense “Spiritual Training” only this time I’m not the one hitting the road. With over 114 missionaries recruited from  Australia, England, and all across the United States, today begins the second week of NET TRAINING. What does this training look like… Prayer 7:30am Mass 8:15am Breakfast – MAN PRAISE -(thought I throw that in there) Men’s Session, Womens Sessions, and some intense talks focusing on our personal relationships with the Lord. This is just a glimpse and man has the Lord been working in the lives of these young people, including myself. Again, the last time I attended NET Training I was just a typical 18 year old kid, as they called me back in the day. Only this time I’m on staff, leading small group, sharing my personal testimony, leading worship. God has truly placed me here to serve once again. Yes it’s hard at times but that is part of the growth, I’m still trying to figure it out, as one of my supervisors says, “Conversion is a on going process” something I continue to remind myself and to know personally that if I fall short I can still count on the Lord and my brothers and sisters to get me up and going (yes, I still struggle with this) But can I say how amazing the last two weeks have been, yes stressful at times but man oh man the Lord is kicking my butt!

I don’t want to make this post to long, overall, the Lord continues to reveal things in my life that I have nothing on. I have to rely on the Lord and let him work in my heart. I know.. I know this is really mushy mushy and I don’t like sharing to much emotion, I don’t want to get to soft either, but the God has something in plan for me this year and what I’ve been getting in prayers is that I have to continue to seek the Lord in all things no matter what the case is. Yes the clock  is ticking, I’m not making the big bucks but right now its not about that.  I love my work.

1 MONTH AND 2 WEEKS AFTER GRADUATION

Well what exactly can I say, I finally did it! Graduated from college at the good ole age of 27 with a BS in Communications. But still a month afterwards I continue to question if  got my money’s worth? I would say, not really. Although, Was I transformed as a person? Yes. Was my faith challenged? Yes. The finish line was never easy. From expulsions, to fired staff, loss of scholarships, these were just some of the trials myself and others faced during our time at John Paul the Great Catholic University.  It was not the typical college experience, we had mass everyday, confession twice a week, adoration every other Thursday, community life that was okay, it was a long three years and half. Some people still ask why I attended JPCatholic, most of the time I did not have answer. I knew though in my heart that I was suppose to be there.  Many times, I did not want to give of myself because I had already given to much to the point of being burnt out and yet I was expected at times to give more. But to be honest, as much as I struggled being there, God continued to work in my life.

The tears, the sweat, the late nights, and who can forget the endless pizza dinners. But you know, God was present in every person, whether they had strayed away at some points or praying in the chapel for some miracle, Gods love was there, guiding each and everyone one of us. For that, I am grateful. The opportunities to grow were endless. And now as I continue looking back at my experience at JPCatholic, it was challenging yet rewarding.

Fast forward to graduation. Actually, let me back up three days before. In brief, I was an emotional wreck. A chapter was ending and a new one was about to begin. I cried at the last student mass. I couldn’t look at students with out tearing up, my heart continued to beat faster each day. Once graduation arrived and I walked up to receive my diploma, the tears began to flow. The speeches were incredible and memorable. We were all challenged to become the light in the darkness. A graduation ceremony I will never forget and with that said, I am proud to be part of the first graduating class at John Paul the Great Catholic University. The Lord has great plans for that University, it will be the Catholic destination of the future.

10 DAYS TILL GRADUATION

So what do I think. Other than having the bad case of senioritis, I can’t believe that graduation is finally here. I really don’t care at this point. Yes, I know it’s sad that I don’t care, I just want to get out of here and graduation. On a funny note, they gave us our cap and gown and I for some reason I knew instantly that my gown was not going to fit. So I tried it on just in case, lets put it this way, have you ever tried to put on jeans, you suck in your stomach and squeeze tight enough to make it fit, well that’s not exactly how it happened but it could have. I was inches of closing the zipper. Other than everyone here is pretty much done, well the seniors. We have a three finals left and that’s it. Mass next Friday and Graduation Saturday. Oh man, just thinking about it I just want to run around the room! It’s AMAZING! Now if I can get a job, that would be great. So I’m gonna keep this short, I’m stoked, ready to go, living out of a suitcase for the next two weeks. Peace Out!

FIGHTING TO SURVIVE

I feel like an  injured soldier in the battlefield. Broken, helpless, fighting to survive. Who knew that the last month of college would feel this way. Well at least for me it does. I’ve also been sick the last two weeks with the flu which has not been all that great. During this time I really did not sit back and reflect of how far I’ve come but also how much more I have to grow. In faith, in my work, life experiences, relationships, etc.  This is the point where as a college student, the point is to keep your eye on the ball, my eyes are kinda crossing and I have no idea where the ball went. Their was something I said to my roommate today regarding what I’ve gotten out of my University experience. We spoke about how we were both called here, I knew that I was called to this University for a reason. To be honest though, with that thought in my mind and one month away from Graduation, I feel that has not been answered. Yes I can name a ton of things that I did not enjoy and I can name things that I failed in and worked hard on to get back up. So I reflected on this and I don’t want to graduate with unanswered questions. I”m not even sure if God does that purposely or not. I’m really not sure, it’s a little overwhelming. At the same time the other battle that I came across was How little control I have of what I will be doing in the next month or so after graduation. I have this desire to serve, to do something in the lines of becoming a missionary again in some way. I feel that I’ve lost some of that while I’ve been in college. I don’t know if it was because I was working so much, the lack of leadership, or the fact that I’m burn out from doing all or most activities at school. I’m surprised that I’m surrounded my a good crowd of Catholics, yet most of them are afraid to take on a leadership role, I might be wrong. God called each and every one of us to JPCU for a reason. Again, I’m still trying to figure out why. I mean, I fell in love with the mission right from the start. The video hooked me in, but the question that continues to build in my heart is, can someone lose a part of their catholic identity at a Catholic University. Or is it my fault. I know I have my personal prayer to rely on, but community also plays a big part of that.

So. What next, Alive Again, its Friday, my bank account is at ZERO. I’m 27 and fighting to hold on to God and continuing to accept the graces God  has in the works for me. I’ve been sick for the last two weeks. I’ve been still, have not left my apartment at all. I’ve been in the same clothing for two days, i’m listening to Matt Redman “Nothing but the Blood” It’s 3:00am. I pray that God may continue to show me the path or righteousness. The path or reconciliation. The path to be a Man of God. The path to be one with God and to be Man after God’s own heart.

Dear Lord I pray that you may reign in my heart. I pray that your everlasting glory may overturn the darkness in my heart. That your glory may shine the brightest light even in the most darkest off all places. May your peace come upon me and peace come to those I come in contact with. May I be faithful, patient, loving, kind, forgiving. May I be reminded of your death for me. You are the all-powerful, pour out your graces over me. Amen