LIFE AS I KNOW IT

30 and Enjoying Life

Category: the cure

FADING OUT….Starting the new Chapter

Have you ever felt like you were fading out in some way. When all the work you have done and all the trials and challenges you fought for don’t mean anything anymore. How exactly do deal with that? Do you continue to pull forward without direction or do you allow for the piling of chains. It’s not exactly what I should be thinking of, since the end of the race is only 45 days away.   The light at the end of the tunnel is just right there but I have to continue to  “Under Promise, Over Deliver”  It’s the phrase of the year for me. For some reason I have not gotten it right. Let me step back for a bit, God continues to work. He’s plugging away in my life. God has plans that I don’t quite understand. He fakes you out some times, you think you got the job and like that its taken from under you. Then its back to the drawing board, its back to the chapel, its back to asking for God’s graces. But really Gods graces continue to be there, the only difference is that I’ve turned my back on him . Not intentionally, I let my distractions, my business, my temptations, my weakness get in the way. Just then, when you think if you have some kind of attention, you feel your back on top, you are replaced, communication is cut off, you start doing your own thing, people stop responding to you, your numb, not awake, its me in a chapel playing a guitar, praying that someone wont mind me singing praises to God.

Sorry that my Fading Out post is all over the place, these are just all the thoughts that have been parading around my mind in the last week. At the same time, God continues to something greater, what is it? I have no clue. Ministry, Film, Production, New Media, Camp, Music. “Under Promise, Over Deliver” Alright, well it seems I got to the end of my writing thoughts. I have 45 days to find a job.

 

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Dont Stop Believing

Well I’ve noticed a trend. I either blog at the beginning of the month or towards end, and sometimes both. I don’t what is about blogging, I like it, I don’t love it, yet. But it’s good get my thoughts out on a blog rather than a journal I guess.

The AFLO update

What have I been up to? As of now I’m still working on my senior thesis film “Short Film” It’s a story about young man who struggles to love his alcoholic father. It’s intense.   The process –  Well I’ve had about two quarters to develop this story, let me back up. I had another story called “Crossfire” turned out, I hated it. All the feedback I was receiving was negative and I agreed. It was not me as a storyteller. That’s one thing I’ve learned in the process of creating a story, YOU HAVE TO A GOOD ONE. A long with that, you have to be able to tell a story that you can direct, that relates to you and your audience. The cool thing is, our professor has been able to tell us what type of Director we are, I’m the good heart Director. Sounds cheesy but you have to take that and run with.

It’s something that I have not  payed attention to while  Directing  projects that I’ve done so far. I’m the kind of person that tried to do everything on my own, which never works. Although, sometimes it does work. Whatever. So where I”m now in my production stage, well I tried to be ambitious, no bueno. So I’ve recruited a crew, a good one I hope, met with my Gaffer, Have not locked down a DP, but the opportunity to work with the RED Camera is a possibility. Again, going back to story, Every DP that I’ve sent my story to, likes it, but have concerns. Like the Scogdog say’s “YOU HAVE A PROBLEM” I’m trying to fix it now. So hopefully, not only will I have a sweet crew and cast, I’ll have an awesome short, I just have to Deliver, which I here a lot from our president at JPCatholic “Under Promise” and “Over Deliver” I think that’s how it goes.

So I’m very confident about Directing this final short. What sucks is that everybody else is in post and I have not filmed yet. The goal was again, to cast, film and shoot in one day. Man oh Man what was I thinking. Anyway, enought about the short, I’ll update that next time.  The Process is great though, I’ve met so many people in the last three days, very talented people.

What’s Up With School? I thought you were done.

No not quite. The way I see it, I have two months left. I can’t believe how fast these last three years have gone by. It’s seriously a trip. I’m blown away of how much material I’ve come across and how much yet I have to learn after that. I’m 27 now and I start to think about that question while your high school, Where do you see yourself 1o years from now? Uh graduating College! Wow.  It’s amazing how things work out and how God begins to put things into place. At the same time, as an individual I continue to give as much I can.  I graduated High School, Did 2 years of Missionary Workd, 2 years of Community College, 1 years in AZ, and 3 years now in San Diego. That’s a large building block. At some points I still remember crumbling to the ground and rising back up. That’s the journey I’ve been on these last three years. Fighting to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and last try my hardest to fulfill my educational goal.

I’m not the brightest kid in class, I would say I struggle the most. But having to balance school and work is still difficult and on top that build faith filled community. Overall though, this is my life, this is what I long for. These are the challenges that I will commit to and do whatever I can to seek strength and joy in everything I do. I love film making, have I given 100%, no, I wish could but I don’t have the time, I love building college community, I wish I had the time, I love doing homework, (yea right, I hate doing homework) I love growing spiritually, but I have yet to continue to give myself totally to Christ.

Man oh man how long the journey continues to be. To bring it all together now. I’m looking forward to graduation. I cant wait to be finished to stand their at the podium and really enjoy the moment. To take in all the hard work I’ve put in these last couple years. To enjoy the moment for my family who sacrificed so much to help pay for my school, to the point of putting the house up just to  finish paying for my tuition. For all the sacrifices I’ve done and the friends who have been their to support me through good and bad. What a blessing. So anyway, that’s all I have for this round of a blog. Not much, again pieces of thoughts in my head. God Bless.

Adrian

So I have not posted in 18 DAYS….

Just a quick update. In the last couple weeks I have been producing my senior directing project. I hosted auditions Saturday in Hollywood, attended the Catholic Underground in Hollywood, and last ate a ton of food at y parents house. Overall it was a busy and crazy weekend. I worked on my car with my cousin and fixed some useful things like the head light. Other than that, again I’m not gonna really deep this blog post, but I’m hoping that tomorrow I will. Peace Out

Miles Christi Retreat Experience

Offering of Self

Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will. All that I am and all that I possess You have given me: I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will. Give me only Your love and Your grace; with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more.

St. Ignatius Loyola

The greatest thing about God is that he  always find a way to remind us of his love for us. Even at our lowest moments, he prepares our hearts and waits for us to say yes. It’s amazing how easy that sounds. Take this though, try being silent for three days and saying, God, show me your love. This is what I searched for this past weekend, a stronger relationship with God, one that I know I have and have had before. One thought I came across was the reality of how much I have pushed God away. We might not always see it that way, but when we refuse to not pray or attend mass or even lead others closer to him, man oh man are we missing the big picture. So I was glad to be on this retreat because  the life I was living was straying me away from God’s awesome glory

I believe at some point every college student experiences this. At one point, I guess you can say you hit rock bottom spiritually. The hard part about that is you then realize, the only way I could ever reunite myself is through the sacraments and a daily commitment to the Lord.  I  can remember when I use to be scared of the word commitment, I hated the word and I would be so fearful of the outcome.  After this weekend though,  I was again reminded that in order to commit to Christ fully, you have to give of yourself fully. It was all in or nothing. There was no turning back, just one Goal, Heaven.

It’s hard to write this because yet again I am reminding myself of the primary goal. Getting back to the retreat, the priest of Miles Christi are humble, virtue’s, intelligent, and full of Mary’s Grace. They really allow the Holy Spirit to speak through them. It was an intense weekend none the less. We began our day with a wake up call at 6:45 in the morning, prayer at 7:15 and breakfast at 7:30 than a prayer of thanksgiving in the chapel, It was non-stop. Something I shared with the priest was that I never thought prayer could tire me out so much. They responded with the reason why the retreat is called Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatious, we literally exercised spiritually non-stop for three days. I was blown away of how fruitful, yet the intensity of it all. It was freaking hard. I’ve never been so challenged in my life.

In all, I recommend this retreat for anyone who is searching for a spiritual re-boot or an opportunity to reunite with God in his love. I could not help but laugh and smile after leaving. I left with a ton of joy and an entire list of new resolutions. I’m looking forward to continuing this change for the better. I’ve come a long way in my life and now their really isn’t any turning back. Again like I said earlier, you either give yourself totally to God or not at all.

In Christ

Adrian

Domino Delight OLD POST I’LL JUST POST IT

Week before the end of the quarter, two quarters left till graduation. I have a crazy feeling next quarter will feel like an eternity. I cant imagine how fast these last three years have gone by. Other than that, quick update on the last couple of days. I finally got some sleep today. Lakers knocked out the Magic game one of the NBA finals and I finished that paper on marriage and family. I have a  ton of errors but I”m thinking of posting it on here in the next couple of days. What I find amazing though is how stress can really take a lot out of you. Of course a lot of that has to do with procrastination and we have to blame ourselves for that. But wow, what a week its been, what a quarter. Its’ been a ride for sure. I did some things this quarter that got me in trouble  and I had a wake up call, thank God! Thank God for wordpress drafts, my computer just shut down and I recovered half of my posting. Other than I”m gonna get back to cleaning my kitchen, i’m pretty much rambling from this point on. I’ll keep yall posted tomorrow.

Reconciliation

At first I thought it was a heart attack. Then I thought to myself, I’m too young to have one of those, but on the other I am overweight so there is a slight chance. Honestly though, its amazing how much the  heart can take. The other night, since my last post, my heart was beating out of anger and for the need of forgiveness. That night, whenever my last post was, I could not fall asleep after being kept up by my roommate, so I started to pray really really hard and what came from that was reconciliation. I was able to stay up till about 7am, I reached for my keys and got in my car and drove about 8 miles to St. Mary in Escondido to go to Confession. My heart was so driven to get me there. I was tired, upset, frustrated, and really annoyed at people around me.

This is a problem, I told myself. “Dude what the heck are you thinking. My brain was seriously overwhelmed. So I left it at that, I went to confession did my thing, it was quick one I must say, the priest arrived pretty late and I had 6 little kids in front me waiting for confession. That was pretty cool, especially them being there with their parents. I had done, been forgiven and what a trial this week has been. Finals are in two weeks and I should be writing my paper on marriage right  but I have to keep praying for guidance and for help “Make my paper make sense” Other than that, I”m looking forward to the end of quarter and hopefully getting my media company filming going.

This is just another quick update, i’m still trying to figure this bloging thing out, until then, hopefully I can write some more tomorrow. Good Night.

I leave you with one my favorite Depeche Mode songs. “Meaning of Love” If only they were like the Cure and play some of their old stuff. That would be awesome. Maybe someday.

Adrian

Early Saturday Morning

If your looking for a great album to listen to while you clean. I would recommend this one. Disintegration by The Cure. If you know me, you know this is one of my favorite bands. Enjoy.

thecure