LIFE AS I KNOW IT

30 and Enjoying Life

Category: RANDOM

The Final Disicion

The final disicion. Do you ever think About how many tricks your mind plays on you? The different emotions that interfere with what exactly you want to do in your life. Why is it that I often think about if what I knew now, can I go back in time and restate, do it all over again, the.right way. I see all the young faces around me and I can’t help but to share the dos and do nots about life, only my experiences of course. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I’m I making the right discision’s? Is this where im suppose to be? I’ll leave it at that. God bless

Who Cares…So What

Listening to

Cage Elephant

I have not blogged in a while and this is usually how I start every blog post anyway. So Who cares, so what. (SNL reference) I’ve been thinking about a lot stuff lately. Life, work, family, the Ladies, and of course how all this fits under Gods plan for me. I think to myself, aren’t you a little to old for trying to figure out what God wants from you and how all of the above works. Does this make sense? Continue…. I think I think… I think I think about this stuff way to much. Well not to much, just recently. Maybe it was just my week being home, or the one on one time I had with a good friend, or maybe it was just the refreshing seeing old and new faces again. who care, so what. Alright time to change gears here.

Lent, what a struggle it has been. I had a late start in figuring out what I wanted to do and these forty days has really not been a desert for me. What exactly does that mean? I really have to pray more and ask the Lord to guide me through the desert. Now that I think about it, I really do need to humble myself more in prayer. You know you have to do it, you know how important it is, but more so how easy it is not to do it.

Anyway, I wanted to get these thoughts out of my head as I start  my work back in the office. Hopefully I’ll have some better blogging in the weeks to come. God Bless if you are reading this. If you are random stranger, God Bless you and thats all folks.

I’m just a man, searching for God’s will and learning about life as I know it.

Adrian

The Unknown

Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence. JPII

Blow my freaking socks off, seriously. Have no fear? Step out fearlessly knowing? The funny thing is, the closer and closer I become aware of the Lord in my life the more challenging it becomes. I know, this has been the re-occuring theme of my life and I really never know how to control it, well I”m not sure if control is the right word for it. First things first, the Chargers are no bueno and I’m still in 6th place in my fantasy football league. Thought I get that off my mind before I continue. Ok, ready GO! So friday I had the amazing opportunity to get back to the world of  retreats, 8th graders to be exact, ton of fun, I was little tired and I have to admit I was a little rusty. I should have been ready to go, I had done a 6th grade retreat the week before (How exactly do I relate to 6th graders, I don’t ) Anyway, I enjoyed it, good times sharing my testimony again, 1o odd years of growth.

 

Eeeek! BRAIN FART!

So… the unknown, what does that mean?  Its an everyday thing right?  I know what’s going on around me, what the next thing is on the of things to do, but I don’t know exactly what the Lord is doing in my heart. I continue to strive to let the lord work in my everyday prayer, in my relationships etc. I”m in my element. Side track again. I recently starting reading True Devotion…one of the first things that has beat me over the head is the thought of being humble before our Lord. It takes deep devotion, desire, and most of all humility. I have little pieces here and there but still something I’ve started working on. Nothing to crazy, just simple. Ahh,  I hate when this happens, I’m getting tired. So… this will have to be a to be continued….

Last thought, the Lord is kicking my butt. I’m attempting to humble myself before him. I need to man up and grow. He continues to call me, I continue to be fearful because its the unknown…….but all in all, I have the confidence to pursue him and the times that I don’t, he continues to challenge me every step of the way. Thanks God, you rock. JMJ PRAY FOR US. Love the Lord always. Be aware of the unknown and Love it!

 

ADFRS

Looking Up

Amazing. My trip has been just that. I’ve met some interesting people, interacted with a beautiful family with all different personalities with one thing in common “House of Love” I’ve been happy and joyful, reflecting on how much God has brought to light in my heart and my life. I still stop and think, God, what direction are really taking me in. I know i’m still on that journey to figuring that out, and I can finally say, I’m ok with that. Just yesterday, I walked off the train and walked to smack center of Grand Central Station, if only you were able to see the smile on my face. Yes, the entire place was busy, but my mind and heart were in totally in a different element. I felt at peace and joy filled. To experience the beauty in my surrounding. I stood there for a while, then I followed the music, violins. I walked towards them and found two beautiful Irish gals, they finished the last song they were on and rested their fingers for one more set and continued on to play “You Raise me Up” Probably one of the best covers I’ve ever heard. I was moved and inspired, they rocked it. I figured after that I continued my journey to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Immediately the streets became loud. People walking non-stop to the next destination, work, food, shopping, the city really did not sleep. My ears would not stop ringing, all of sudden I was in a pit of noise from every direction. So I finally made it to St. Patrick’s, as I entered, the noise immediately disappeared. I was in awe of its beauty, I sat in front of our Lord for about an hour, went to mass followed by confession, it was beautiful.

It was great just to be silent, share with the Lord what was going on in my heart and he took care of the rest. My trust was totally in him at that time and moment. I kinda took a nap for a little while but felt very peaceful when I woke up. That’s really though when hit me. God loves me so much, loves us so much, that all I have to do is come before him and rest. Like seriously that is all it takes, coming before him, yea I went to see the rest of NY, time square, central park, museums, their was something about being at St. Patrick’s calling me to just sit there. I think in all I spend about 3 hours there, just enjoying the presence of the Lord and praying for the people who had no clue as to what they were walking into. I mean, people were taking pictures during mass, walking a long side of me, it was a disaster. I just prayed that the Holy Spirit would bless them in some way. Anyway, this is just a glimpse of the trip. I hope to continue to blog. I need too.

BACK TO TRAINING!

It has been nearly 10 years since I’ve attended any type of  intense “Spiritual Training” only this time I’m not the one hitting the road. With over 114 missionaries recruited from  Australia, England, and all across the United States, today begins the second week of NET TRAINING. What does this training look like… Prayer 7:30am Mass 8:15am Breakfast – MAN PRAISE -(thought I throw that in there) Men’s Session, Womens Sessions, and some intense talks focusing on our personal relationships with the Lord. This is just a glimpse and man has the Lord been working in the lives of these young people, including myself. Again, the last time I attended NET Training I was just a typical 18 year old kid, as they called me back in the day. Only this time I’m on staff, leading small group, sharing my personal testimony, leading worship. God has truly placed me here to serve once again. Yes it’s hard at times but that is part of the growth, I’m still trying to figure it out, as one of my supervisors says, “Conversion is a on going process” something I continue to remind myself and to know personally that if I fall short I can still count on the Lord and my brothers and sisters to get me up and going (yes, I still struggle with this) But can I say how amazing the last two weeks have been, yes stressful at times but man oh man the Lord is kicking my butt!

I don’t want to make this post to long, overall, the Lord continues to reveal things in my life that I have nothing on. I have to rely on the Lord and let him work in my heart. I know.. I know this is really mushy mushy and I don’t like sharing to much emotion, I don’t want to get to soft either, but the God has something in plan for me this year and what I’ve been getting in prayers is that I have to continue to seek the Lord in all things no matter what the case is. Yes the clock  is ticking, I’m not making the big bucks but right now its not about that.  I love my work.

FIGHTING TO SURVIVE

I feel like an  injured soldier in the battlefield. Broken, helpless, fighting to survive. Who knew that the last month of college would feel this way. Well at least for me it does. I’ve also been sick the last two weeks with the flu which has not been all that great. During this time I really did not sit back and reflect of how far I’ve come but also how much more I have to grow. In faith, in my work, life experiences, relationships, etc.  This is the point where as a college student, the point is to keep your eye on the ball, my eyes are kinda crossing and I have no idea where the ball went. Their was something I said to my roommate today regarding what I’ve gotten out of my University experience. We spoke about how we were both called here, I knew that I was called to this University for a reason. To be honest though, with that thought in my mind and one month away from Graduation, I feel that has not been answered. Yes I can name a ton of things that I did not enjoy and I can name things that I failed in and worked hard on to get back up. So I reflected on this and I don’t want to graduate with unanswered questions. I”m not even sure if God does that purposely or not. I’m really not sure, it’s a little overwhelming. At the same time the other battle that I came across was How little control I have of what I will be doing in the next month or so after graduation. I have this desire to serve, to do something in the lines of becoming a missionary again in some way. I feel that I’ve lost some of that while I’ve been in college. I don’t know if it was because I was working so much, the lack of leadership, or the fact that I’m burn out from doing all or most activities at school. I’m surprised that I’m surrounded my a good crowd of Catholics, yet most of them are afraid to take on a leadership role, I might be wrong. God called each and every one of us to JPCU for a reason. Again, I’m still trying to figure out why. I mean, I fell in love with the mission right from the start. The video hooked me in, but the question that continues to build in my heart is, can someone lose a part of their catholic identity at a Catholic University. Or is it my fault. I know I have my personal prayer to rely on, but community also plays a big part of that.

So. What next, Alive Again, its Friday, my bank account is at ZERO. I’m 27 and fighting to hold on to God and continuing to accept the graces God  has in the works for me. I’ve been sick for the last two weeks. I’ve been still, have not left my apartment at all. I’ve been in the same clothing for two days, i’m listening to Matt Redman “Nothing but the Blood” It’s 3:00am. I pray that God may continue to show me the path or righteousness. The path or reconciliation. The path to be a Man of God. The path to be one with God and to be Man after God’s own heart.

Dear Lord I pray that you may reign in my heart. I pray that your everlasting glory may overturn the darkness in my heart. That your glory may shine the brightest light even in the most darkest off all places. May your peace come upon me and peace come to those I come in contact with. May I be faithful, patient, loving, kind, forgiving. May I be reminded of your death for me. You are the all-powerful, pour out your graces over me. Amen

FADING OUT….Starting the new Chapter

Have you ever felt like you were fading out in some way. When all the work you have done and all the trials and challenges you fought for don’t mean anything anymore. How exactly do deal with that? Do you continue to pull forward without direction or do you allow for the piling of chains. It’s not exactly what I should be thinking of, since the end of the race is only 45 days away.   The light at the end of the tunnel is just right there but I have to continue to  “Under Promise, Over Deliver”  It’s the phrase of the year for me. For some reason I have not gotten it right. Let me step back for a bit, God continues to work. He’s plugging away in my life. God has plans that I don’t quite understand. He fakes you out some times, you think you got the job and like that its taken from under you. Then its back to the drawing board, its back to the chapel, its back to asking for God’s graces. But really Gods graces continue to be there, the only difference is that I’ve turned my back on him . Not intentionally, I let my distractions, my business, my temptations, my weakness get in the way. Just then, when you think if you have some kind of attention, you feel your back on top, you are replaced, communication is cut off, you start doing your own thing, people stop responding to you, your numb, not awake, its me in a chapel playing a guitar, praying that someone wont mind me singing praises to God.

Sorry that my Fading Out post is all over the place, these are just all the thoughts that have been parading around my mind in the last week. At the same time, God continues to something greater, what is it? I have no clue. Ministry, Film, Production, New Media, Camp, Music. “Under Promise, Over Deliver” Alright, well it seems I got to the end of my writing thoughts. I have 45 days to find a job.

 

Dont Stop Believing

Well I’ve noticed a trend. I either blog at the beginning of the month or towards end, and sometimes both. I don’t what is about blogging, I like it, I don’t love it, yet. But it’s good get my thoughts out on a blog rather than a journal I guess.

The AFLO update

What have I been up to? As of now I’m still working on my senior thesis film “Short Film” It’s a story about young man who struggles to love his alcoholic father. It’s intense.   The process –  Well I’ve had about two quarters to develop this story, let me back up. I had another story called “Crossfire” turned out, I hated it. All the feedback I was receiving was negative and I agreed. It was not me as a storyteller. That’s one thing I’ve learned in the process of creating a story, YOU HAVE TO A GOOD ONE. A long with that, you have to be able to tell a story that you can direct, that relates to you and your audience. The cool thing is, our professor has been able to tell us what type of Director we are, I’m the good heart Director. Sounds cheesy but you have to take that and run with.

It’s something that I have not  payed attention to while  Directing  projects that I’ve done so far. I’m the kind of person that tried to do everything on my own, which never works. Although, sometimes it does work. Whatever. So where I”m now in my production stage, well I tried to be ambitious, no bueno. So I’ve recruited a crew, a good one I hope, met with my Gaffer, Have not locked down a DP, but the opportunity to work with the RED Camera is a possibility. Again, going back to story, Every DP that I’ve sent my story to, likes it, but have concerns. Like the Scogdog say’s “YOU HAVE A PROBLEM” I’m trying to fix it now. So hopefully, not only will I have a sweet crew and cast, I’ll have an awesome short, I just have to Deliver, which I here a lot from our president at JPCatholic “Under Promise” and “Over Deliver” I think that’s how it goes.

So I’m very confident about Directing this final short. What sucks is that everybody else is in post and I have not filmed yet. The goal was again, to cast, film and shoot in one day. Man oh Man what was I thinking. Anyway, enought about the short, I’ll update that next time.  The Process is great though, I’ve met so many people in the last three days, very talented people.

What’s Up With School? I thought you were done.

No not quite. The way I see it, I have two months left. I can’t believe how fast these last three years have gone by. It’s seriously a trip. I’m blown away of how much material I’ve come across and how much yet I have to learn after that. I’m 27 now and I start to think about that question while your high school, Where do you see yourself 1o years from now? Uh graduating College! Wow.  It’s amazing how things work out and how God begins to put things into place. At the same time, as an individual I continue to give as much I can.  I graduated High School, Did 2 years of Missionary Workd, 2 years of Community College, 1 years in AZ, and 3 years now in San Diego. That’s a large building block. At some points I still remember crumbling to the ground and rising back up. That’s the journey I’ve been on these last three years. Fighting to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and last try my hardest to fulfill my educational goal.

I’m not the brightest kid in class, I would say I struggle the most. But having to balance school and work is still difficult and on top that build faith filled community. Overall though, this is my life, this is what I long for. These are the challenges that I will commit to and do whatever I can to seek strength and joy in everything I do. I love film making, have I given 100%, no, I wish could but I don’t have the time, I love building college community, I wish I had the time, I love doing homework, (yea right, I hate doing homework) I love growing spiritually, but I have yet to continue to give myself totally to Christ.

Man oh man how long the journey continues to be. To bring it all together now. I’m looking forward to graduation. I cant wait to be finished to stand their at the podium and really enjoy the moment. To take in all the hard work I’ve put in these last couple years. To enjoy the moment for my family who sacrificed so much to help pay for my school, to the point of putting the house up just to  finish paying for my tuition. For all the sacrifices I’ve done and the friends who have been their to support me through good and bad. What a blessing. So anyway, that’s all I have for this round of a blog. Not much, again pieces of thoughts in my head. God Bless.

Adrian

So I have not posted in 18 DAYS….

Just a quick update. In the last couple weeks I have been producing my senior directing project. I hosted auditions Saturday in Hollywood, attended the Catholic Underground in Hollywood, and last ate a ton of food at y parents house. Overall it was a busy and crazy weekend. I worked on my car with my cousin and fixed some useful things like the head light. Other than that, again I’m not gonna really deep this blog post, but I’m hoping that tomorrow I will. Peace Out

Reconciliation

At first I thought it was a heart attack. Then I thought to myself, I’m too young to have one of those, but on the other I am overweight so there is a slight chance. Honestly though, its amazing how much the  heart can take. The other night, since my last post, my heart was beating out of anger and for the need of forgiveness. That night, whenever my last post was, I could not fall asleep after being kept up by my roommate, so I started to pray really really hard and what came from that was reconciliation. I was able to stay up till about 7am, I reached for my keys and got in my car and drove about 8 miles to St. Mary in Escondido to go to Confession. My heart was so driven to get me there. I was tired, upset, frustrated, and really annoyed at people around me.

This is a problem, I told myself. “Dude what the heck are you thinking. My brain was seriously overwhelmed. So I left it at that, I went to confession did my thing, it was quick one I must say, the priest arrived pretty late and I had 6 little kids in front me waiting for confession. That was pretty cool, especially them being there with their parents. I had done, been forgiven and what a trial this week has been. Finals are in two weeks and I should be writing my paper on marriage right  but I have to keep praying for guidance and for help “Make my paper make sense” Other than that, I”m looking forward to the end of quarter and hopefully getting my media company filming going.

This is just another quick update, i’m still trying to figure this bloging thing out, until then, hopefully I can write some more tomorrow. Good Night.

I leave you with one my favorite Depeche Mode songs. “Meaning of Love” If only they were like the Cure and play some of their old stuff. That would be awesome. Maybe someday.

Adrian