30 and Enjoying Life

Category: Early Morning Writting

The Unknown

Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence. JPII

Blow my freaking socks off, seriously. Have no fear? Step out fearlessly knowing? The funny thing is, the closer and closer I become aware of the Lord in my life the more challenging it becomes. I know, this has been the re-occuring theme of my life and I really never know how to control it, well I”m not sure if control is the right word for it. First things first, the Chargers are no bueno and I’m still in 6th place in my fantasy football league. Thought I get that off my mind before I continue. Ok, ready GO! So friday I had the amazing opportunity to get back to the world of  retreats, 8th graders to be exact, ton of fun, I was little tired and I have to admit I was a little rusty. I should have been ready to go, I had done a 6th grade retreat the week before (How exactly do I relate to 6th graders, I don’t ) Anyway, I enjoyed it, good times sharing my testimony again, 1o odd years of growth.



So… the unknown, what does that mean?  Its an everyday thing right?  I know what’s going on around me, what the next thing is on the of things to do, but I don’t know exactly what the Lord is doing in my heart. I continue to strive to let the lord work in my everyday prayer, in my relationships etc. I”m in my element. Side track again. I recently starting reading True Devotion…one of the first things that has beat me over the head is the thought of being humble before our Lord. It takes deep devotion, desire, and most of all humility. I have little pieces here and there but still something I’ve started working on. Nothing to crazy, just simple. Ahh,  I hate when this happens, I’m getting tired. So… this will have to be a to be continued….

Last thought, the Lord is kicking my butt. I’m attempting to humble myself before him. I need to man up and grow. He continues to call me, I continue to be fearful because its the unknown…….but all in all, I have the confidence to pursue him and the times that I don’t, he continues to challenge me every step of the way. Thanks God, you rock. JMJ PRAY FOR US. Love the Lord always. Be aware of the unknown and Love it!




Looking Up

Amazing. My trip has been just that. I’ve met some interesting people, interacted with a beautiful family with all different personalities with one thing in common “House of Love” I’ve been happy and joyful, reflecting on how much God has brought to light in my heart and my life. I still stop and think, God, what direction are really taking me in. I know i’m still on that journey to figuring that out, and I can finally say, I’m ok with that. Just yesterday, I walked off the train and walked to smack center of Grand Central Station, if only you were able to see the smile on my face. Yes, the entire place was busy, but my mind and heart were in totally in a different element. I felt at peace and joy filled. To experience the beauty in my surrounding. I stood there for a while, then I followed the music, violins. I walked towards them and found two beautiful Irish gals, they finished the last song they were on and rested their fingers for one more set and continued on to play “You Raise me Up” Probably one of the best covers I’ve ever heard. I was moved and inspired, they rocked it. I figured after that I continued my journey to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Immediately the streets became loud. People walking non-stop to the next destination, work, food, shopping, the city really did not sleep. My ears would not stop ringing, all of sudden I was in a pit of noise from every direction. So I finally made it to St. Patrick’s, as I entered, the noise immediately disappeared. I was in awe of its beauty, I sat in front of our Lord for about an hour, went to mass followed by confession, it was beautiful.

It was great just to be silent, share with the Lord what was going on in my heart and he took care of the rest. My trust was totally in him at that time and moment. I kinda took a nap for a little while but felt very peaceful when I woke up. That’s really though when hit me. God loves me so much, loves us so much, that all I have to do is come before him and rest. Like seriously that is all it takes, coming before him, yea I went to see the rest of NY, time square, central park, museums, their was something about being at St. Patrick’s calling me to just sit there. I think in all I spend about 3 hours there, just enjoying the presence of the Lord and praying for the people who had no clue as to what they were walking into. I mean, people were taking pictures during mass, walking a long side of me, it was a disaster. I just prayed that the Holy Spirit would bless them in some way. Anyway, this is just a glimpse of the trip. I hope to continue to blog. I need too.


It has been nearly 10 years since I’ve attended any type of  intense “Spiritual Training” only this time I’m not the one hitting the road. With over 114 missionaries recruited from  Australia, England, and all across the United States, today begins the second week of NET TRAINING. What does this training look like… Prayer 7:30am Mass 8:15am Breakfast – MAN PRAISE -(thought I throw that in there) Men’s Session, Womens Sessions, and some intense talks focusing on our personal relationships with the Lord. This is just a glimpse and man has the Lord been working in the lives of these young people, including myself. Again, the last time I attended NET Training I was just a typical 18 year old kid, as they called me back in the day. Only this time I’m on staff, leading small group, sharing my personal testimony, leading worship. God has truly placed me here to serve once again. Yes it’s hard at times but that is part of the growth, I’m still trying to figure it out, as one of my supervisors says, “Conversion is a on going process” something I continue to remind myself and to know personally that if I fall short I can still count on the Lord and my brothers and sisters to get me up and going (yes, I still struggle with this) But can I say how amazing the last two weeks have been, yes stressful at times but man oh man the Lord is kicking my butt!

I don’t want to make this post to long, overall, the Lord continues to reveal things in my life that I have nothing on. I have to rely on the Lord and let him work in my heart. I know.. I know this is really mushy mushy and I don’t like sharing to much emotion, I don’t want to get to soft either, but the God has something in plan for me this year and what I’ve been getting in prayers is that I have to continue to seek the Lord in all things no matter what the case is. Yes the clock  is ticking, I’m not making the big bucks but right now its not about that.  I love my work.


I feel like an  injured soldier in the battlefield. Broken, helpless, fighting to survive. Who knew that the last month of college would feel this way. Well at least for me it does. I’ve also been sick the last two weeks with the flu which has not been all that great. During this time I really did not sit back and reflect of how far I’ve come but also how much more I have to grow. In faith, in my work, life experiences, relationships, etc.  This is the point where as a college student, the point is to keep your eye on the ball, my eyes are kinda crossing and I have no idea where the ball went. Their was something I said to my roommate today regarding what I’ve gotten out of my University experience. We spoke about how we were both called here, I knew that I was called to this University for a reason. To be honest though, with that thought in my mind and one month away from Graduation, I feel that has not been answered. Yes I can name a ton of things that I did not enjoy and I can name things that I failed in and worked hard on to get back up. So I reflected on this and I don’t want to graduate with unanswered questions. I”m not even sure if God does that purposely or not. I’m really not sure, it’s a little overwhelming. At the same time the other battle that I came across was How little control I have of what I will be doing in the next month or so after graduation. I have this desire to serve, to do something in the lines of becoming a missionary again in some way. I feel that I’ve lost some of that while I’ve been in college. I don’t know if it was because I was working so much, the lack of leadership, or the fact that I’m burn out from doing all or most activities at school. I’m surprised that I’m surrounded my a good crowd of Catholics, yet most of them are afraid to take on a leadership role, I might be wrong. God called each and every one of us to JPCU for a reason. Again, I’m still trying to figure out why. I mean, I fell in love with the mission right from the start. The video hooked me in, but the question that continues to build in my heart is, can someone lose a part of their catholic identity at a Catholic University. Or is it my fault. I know I have my personal prayer to rely on, but community also plays a big part of that.

So. What next, Alive Again, its Friday, my bank account is at ZERO. I’m 27 and fighting to hold on to God and continuing to accept the graces God  has in the works for me. I’ve been sick for the last two weeks. I’ve been still, have not left my apartment at all. I’ve been in the same clothing for two days, i’m listening to Matt Redman “Nothing but the Blood” It’s 3:00am. I pray that God may continue to show me the path or righteousness. The path or reconciliation. The path to be a Man of God. The path to be one with God and to be Man after God’s own heart.

Dear Lord I pray that you may reign in my heart. I pray that your everlasting glory may overturn the darkness in my heart. That your glory may shine the brightest light even in the most darkest off all places. May your peace come upon me and peace come to those I come in contact with. May I be faithful, patient, loving, kind, forgiving. May I be reminded of your death for me. You are the all-powerful, pour out your graces over me. Amen

FADING OUT….Starting the new Chapter

Have you ever felt like you were fading out in some way. When all the work you have done and all the trials and challenges you fought for don’t mean anything anymore. How exactly do deal with that? Do you continue to pull forward without direction or do you allow for the piling of chains. It’s not exactly what I should be thinking of, since the end of the race is only 45 days away.   The light at the end of the tunnel is just right there but I have to continue to  “Under Promise, Over Deliver”  It’s the phrase of the year for me. For some reason I have not gotten it right. Let me step back for a bit, God continues to work. He’s plugging away in my life. God has plans that I don’t quite understand. He fakes you out some times, you think you got the job and like that its taken from under you. Then its back to the drawing board, its back to the chapel, its back to asking for God’s graces. But really Gods graces continue to be there, the only difference is that I’ve turned my back on him . Not intentionally, I let my distractions, my business, my temptations, my weakness get in the way. Just then, when you think if you have some kind of attention, you feel your back on top, you are replaced, communication is cut off, you start doing your own thing, people stop responding to you, your numb, not awake, its me in a chapel playing a guitar, praying that someone wont mind me singing praises to God.

Sorry that my Fading Out post is all over the place, these are just all the thoughts that have been parading around my mind in the last week. At the same time, God continues to something greater, what is it? I have no clue. Ministry, Film, Production, New Media, Camp, Music. “Under Promise, Over Deliver” Alright, well it seems I got to the end of my writing thoughts. I have 45 days to find a job.


Dont Stop Believing

Well I’ve noticed a trend. I either blog at the beginning of the month or towards end, and sometimes both. I don’t what is about blogging, I like it, I don’t love it, yet. But it’s good get my thoughts out on a blog rather than a journal I guess.

The AFLO update

What have I been up to? As of now I’m still working on my senior thesis film “Short Film” It’s a story about young man who struggles to love his alcoholic father. It’s intense.   The process –  Well I’ve had about two quarters to develop this story, let me back up. I had another story called “Crossfire” turned out, I hated it. All the feedback I was receiving was negative and I agreed. It was not me as a storyteller. That’s one thing I’ve learned in the process of creating a story, YOU HAVE TO A GOOD ONE. A long with that, you have to be able to tell a story that you can direct, that relates to you and your audience. The cool thing is, our professor has been able to tell us what type of Director we are, I’m the good heart Director. Sounds cheesy but you have to take that and run with.

It’s something that I have not  payed attention to while  Directing  projects that I’ve done so far. I’m the kind of person that tried to do everything on my own, which never works. Although, sometimes it does work. Whatever. So where I”m now in my production stage, well I tried to be ambitious, no bueno. So I’ve recruited a crew, a good one I hope, met with my Gaffer, Have not locked down a DP, but the opportunity to work with the RED Camera is a possibility. Again, going back to story, Every DP that I’ve sent my story to, likes it, but have concerns. Like the Scogdog say’s “YOU HAVE A PROBLEM” I’m trying to fix it now. So hopefully, not only will I have a sweet crew and cast, I’ll have an awesome short, I just have to Deliver, which I here a lot from our president at JPCatholic “Under Promise” and “Over Deliver” I think that’s how it goes.

So I’m very confident about Directing this final short. What sucks is that everybody else is in post and I have not filmed yet. The goal was again, to cast, film and shoot in one day. Man oh Man what was I thinking. Anyway, enought about the short, I’ll update that next time.  The Process is great though, I’ve met so many people in the last three days, very talented people.

What’s Up With School? I thought you were done.

No not quite. The way I see it, I have two months left. I can’t believe how fast these last three years have gone by. It’s seriously a trip. I’m blown away of how much material I’ve come across and how much yet I have to learn after that. I’m 27 now and I start to think about that question while your high school, Where do you see yourself 1o years from now? Uh graduating College! Wow.  It’s amazing how things work out and how God begins to put things into place. At the same time, as an individual I continue to give as much I can.  I graduated High School, Did 2 years of Missionary Workd, 2 years of Community College, 1 years in AZ, and 3 years now in San Diego. That’s a large building block. At some points I still remember crumbling to the ground and rising back up. That’s the journey I’ve been on these last three years. Fighting to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and last try my hardest to fulfill my educational goal.

I’m not the brightest kid in class, I would say I struggle the most. But having to balance school and work is still difficult and on top that build faith filled community. Overall though, this is my life, this is what I long for. These are the challenges that I will commit to and do whatever I can to seek strength and joy in everything I do. I love film making, have I given 100%, no, I wish could but I don’t have the time, I love building college community, I wish I had the time, I love doing homework, (yea right, I hate doing homework) I love growing spiritually, but I have yet to continue to give myself totally to Christ.

Man oh man how long the journey continues to be. To bring it all together now. I’m looking forward to graduation. I cant wait to be finished to stand their at the podium and really enjoy the moment. To take in all the hard work I’ve put in these last couple years. To enjoy the moment for my family who sacrificed so much to help pay for my school, to the point of putting the house up just to  finish paying for my tuition. For all the sacrifices I’ve done and the friends who have been their to support me through good and bad. What a blessing. So anyway, that’s all I have for this round of a blog. Not much, again pieces of thoughts in my head. God Bless.


So I have not posted in 18 DAYS….

Just a quick update. In the last couple weeks I have been producing my senior directing project. I hosted auditions Saturday in Hollywood, attended the Catholic Underground in Hollywood, and last ate a ton of food at y parents house. Overall it was a busy and crazy weekend. I worked on my car with my cousin and fixed some useful things like the head light. Other than that, again I’m not gonna really deep this blog post, but I’m hoping that tomorrow I will. Peace Out

Miles Christi Retreat Experience

Offering of Self

Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will. All that I am and all that I possess You have given me: I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will. Give me only Your love and Your grace; with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more.

St. Ignatius Loyola

The greatest thing about God is that he  always find a way to remind us of his love for us. Even at our lowest moments, he prepares our hearts and waits for us to say yes. It’s amazing how easy that sounds. Take this though, try being silent for three days and saying, God, show me your love. This is what I searched for this past weekend, a stronger relationship with God, one that I know I have and have had before. One thought I came across was the reality of how much I have pushed God away. We might not always see it that way, but when we refuse to not pray or attend mass or even lead others closer to him, man oh man are we missing the big picture. So I was glad to be on this retreat because  the life I was living was straying me away from God’s awesome glory

I believe at some point every college student experiences this. At one point, I guess you can say you hit rock bottom spiritually. The hard part about that is you then realize, the only way I could ever reunite myself is through the sacraments and a daily commitment to the Lord.  I  can remember when I use to be scared of the word commitment, I hated the word and I would be so fearful of the outcome.  After this weekend though,  I was again reminded that in order to commit to Christ fully, you have to give of yourself fully. It was all in or nothing. There was no turning back, just one Goal, Heaven.

It’s hard to write this because yet again I am reminding myself of the primary goal. Getting back to the retreat, the priest of Miles Christi are humble, virtue’s, intelligent, and full of Mary’s Grace. They really allow the Holy Spirit to speak through them. It was an intense weekend none the less. We began our day with a wake up call at 6:45 in the morning, prayer at 7:15 and breakfast at 7:30 than a prayer of thanksgiving in the chapel, It was non-stop. Something I shared with the priest was that I never thought prayer could tire me out so much. They responded with the reason why the retreat is called Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatious, we literally exercised spiritually non-stop for three days. I was blown away of how fruitful, yet the intensity of it all. It was freaking hard. I’ve never been so challenged in my life.

In all, I recommend this retreat for anyone who is searching for a spiritual re-boot or an opportunity to reunite with God in his love. I could not help but laugh and smile after leaving. I left with a ton of joy and an entire list of new resolutions. I’m looking forward to continuing this change for the better. I’ve come a long way in my life and now their really isn’t any turning back. Again like I said earlier, you either give yourself totally to God or not at all.

In Christ



Week before the end of the quarter, two quarters left till graduation. I have a crazy feeling next quarter will feel like an eternity. I cant imagine how fast these last three years have gone by. Other than that, quick update on the last couple of days. I finally got some sleep today. Lakers knocked out the Magic game one of the NBA finals and I finished that paper on marriage and family. I have a  ton of errors but I”m thinking of posting it on here in the next couple of days. What I find amazing though is how stress can really take a lot out of you. Of course a lot of that has to do with procrastination and we have to blame ourselves for that. But wow, what a week its been, what a quarter. Its’ been a ride for sure. I did some things this quarter that got me in trouble  and I had a wake up call, thank God! Thank God for wordpress drafts, my computer just shut down and I recovered half of my posting. Other than I”m gonna get back to cleaning my kitchen, i’m pretty much rambling from this point on. I’ll keep yall posted tomorrow.

Catholic Music “Traditional vs ………..What? Praising God.

One of the biggest struggles I have as a musician is hearing my own Catholic brothers and sister bicker about what music should be played at mass. ” I only listen to traditional music, Gregorian Chant, It’s to Contemporary” HEY I LOVE ALL THESE TYPES OF MUSIC TOO! Then whats the deal, why do so many people “Catholics” put down Contemporary Catholic/Christian music. I hear “It’s to simple, its the same three chords, it says Jesus over and over to many times”  What if for one Sunday, we let that go and actually participate and SING FOR THE LORD. It’s a challenge leading music and truly the goal of the musician is to lead people in worship, not sing complicated hymns that are too high that all you here s the choir, we loose the purpose of “Full Active Participation”

1. God has bestowed upon his people the gift of song. God dwells within each human
person, in the place where music takes its source. Indeed, God, the giver of song, is present
whenever his people sing his praises.2
2. A cry from deep within our being, music is a way for God to lead us to the realm of
higher things.3 As St. Augustine says, “Singing is for the one who loves.”4 Music is therefore a
sign of God’s love for us and of our love for him. In this sense, it is very personal. But unless
music sounds, it is not music, and whenever it sounds, it is accessible to others. By its very
nature song has both an individual and a communal dimension. Thus, it is no wonder that singing
together in church expresses so well the sacramental presence of God to his people.

I apologize if I sound a little upset or annoyed. It’s tough being a musician who loves Praising God and on the other hand,  no one else gets it.  Over the years I’ve  learned that in everything I do, whether it be an event, leading music at mass,or  putting on a youth night , I must do it to the best of my ability and quality. It’s always been about quality for me. I’m not up there doing the Adrian Flores show, I’m up there to sing fo rGod and  to hopefully lead other closer to the Lord through worship.

Jesus and his apostles sang a hymn before their journey to the Mount of Olives.9 St.
Paul instructed the Ephesians to “[address] one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,
singing and playing to the Lord in your hearts.”10 He sang with Silas in captivity.11 The letter of
St. James asks, “Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone in good spirits? He
should sing praise.”12

So I really want to keep this short, I want to pray for understanding. I think God wants us all to sing his praises, he wants us not to be afraid to uplift his name no matter what music is being played. But for musicians out there, its our duty to bring lead people in worship and most of all, not to be distracting. Its not about us, its about Christ and that must be reflected in the music we sing at mass.

Obedient to Christ and to the Church, we gather in liturgical assembly, week after
week. As our predecessors did, we find ourselves “singing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs
with gratitude in [our] hearts to God.”13 This common, sung expression of faith within liturgical
celebrations strengthens our faith when it grows weak and draws us into the divinely inspired
voice of the Church at prayer. Faith grows when it is well expressed in celebration. Good
celebrations can foster and nourish faith. Poor celebrations may weaken it. Good music “make[s]
the liturgical prayers of the Christian community more alive and fervent so that everyone can
praise and beseech the Triune God more powerfully, more intently and more effectively.”

So I want to encourage everyone Catholic and Non- Catholic, sing God’s praise, be reverent, encourage your musicians, participate, don’t just sit there and complain how bad the music is or “I just grew up singing this music, so that’s all i’m going to sing “Wrong Attitude”

Our participation in the Liturgy is challenging. Sometimes, our voices do not
correspond to the convictions of our hearts. At other times, we are distracted or preoccupied by
the cares of the world. But Christ always invites us to enter into song, to rise above our own
preoccupations, and to give our entire selves to the hymn of his Paschal Sacrifice for the honor
and glory of the Most Blessed Trinity.


– Once again, I apologize for any bad grammar.